Timeout & Maintenance Spanking

The last several weeks have been busy and spent catching up on things at home and preparing for travel to Denver for Thunder in the Mountains 2009. It has been a while since Ma’am and I have played or since I have had a maintenance spanking. The timing has been off for either or, especially for the last couple of weeks.

I need regular maintenance, not to prevent me from misbehaving so much as to help keep my temperament stable. I had felt myself beginning to slip and I asked Ma’am to give me a few solid whacks with a bath brush over my swimsuit one afternoon when we had just gotten out of the pool to help keep me level for the rest of the day. Those few swats helped. Later that same day I had mentioned to Ma’am that I thought I could benefit from time outs now and again when I get
agitated, bratty, and borderline. I asked Her to please help enforce this when She notices me slipping.

(We actually have this bench)

Last Sunday I felt particularly off and felt myself losing control inside. This had been building over the weeks. After hearing some news over a mistake that I had made (leaving a can of coke to explode in my car in 115 degree heat) I got mad at myself and could not shake it off. I declared that I needed a timeout and promptly went upstairs to my room. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I got up there, sit on my bed maybe and think for a while. It’s hard to put yourself in time out. I had tried in the past with less than desirable results.

Ma’am followed me up and I had little time to think before She declared that I needed something to ‘think’ about while I was in timeout. She took me OTK and gave me a brief spanking with a birch wood bath brush. She told me to strip and then placed me facing the wall in my room, hands on top of my head, for my timeout. Being forced to take one certainly worked a lot better for me. I ‘had’ to reflect, check in with myself, ask myself why, and calm down inside with the burn in my bottom to remind me to do so. I was there maybe all of fifteen minutes before Ma’am returned and gave me permission to move. This worked well and I felt better after the fact.

The next day Ma’am promised that we would have our maintenance session. We talked about why I felt I needed maintenance, what I ‘needed’ out of the session to feel better. I had done nothing wrong. This was not a punishment spanking, but what followed was one of the hardest spankings I have gotten.

I explained that I just needed to hurt, to be purely physical for a while. I needed to cry, and I needed to feel Her absolute authority over me. I needed to be re-connected with myself and thus to Her. It took less than five minutes with a certain ‘bash’ bath brush I hate in order for me to be reduced to crying rag doll. It took the better part of two days before sitting became an option and now my bottom is going through the rainbow colors of bruising in its healing. I’ve been pounding the arnica and lotion in order to speed the healing process. I know Ma’am wants a clean ‘canvas’ to work off of for when we get to Denver.

These sessions are not fun for either of us. I know Ma’am does not like it when She has to discipline me or cause me ‘real’ pain. I know that task is not easy for Her. Knowing this, I only ever ask for such a session when I absolutely need it. Most of the time we are able to keep up with maintenance—and so regular sessions are a lot lighter and not as hard on us. I don’t like that I ‘need’ these, but as it is, my nature is not yielding to an alternative. The new timeouts should act as a check point in all of this and help to prevent such need for an intense maintenance session in the future. I am thankful that Ma’am has the strength and resolve that She does to help me maintain when I lose myself.

Victorian Spanking Attire!

Given Ma'ams and my love for anything vintage or Victorian I have finally invested in a Victorian outfit appropriate for a young woman of upper middle class during the 1890's. I won a bid on EBay for the dress pictured below about a month ago. It has arrived just recently.

To match it I sewed a pair of open bottom pantaloons. Considering I didn't have access to a pattern, I think they came out well and I am quite proud of them!I have petticoats to wear underneath the dress and I am hoping to win a bid on EBay on a pair of leather Victorian button up ankle boots to finish the outfit off.

Ma'am and I are planning on attending Thunder in the Mountains http://www.thunderinthemountaions.com/ in Denver, CO in less than two weeks. There we will partake in an authentic Victorian Corporal Punishment scene in a 50,000 square foot play-space complete with Ma'am in Her beautiful Governess gown, corset, and Cameo and me in my new attire. Ma'am has some tools of correction from the Victorian times such as Martinet. I am very much looking forward to doing this scene. Authenticity for such such a historical scene is very important to us.

More on Thunder to come!

The Attic Dream-Poem

Wide awake since 3AM working stuff out...

The Attic Dream
---------------------------
There’s a cool veil of light freckled across the peeling rafters high

Ghost skins plaster putrid wood and the grimaces of stock

I scuffle among them shrouded by decades of loss, of lies

Dusty spores feed the breath of my inverted clock

He’s there waiting beyond the teal paneled door

For me, he remains ever so patiently, indeed

His energy pulls, a fist clenching my core

I pleasure the knob, an elderly feat

Red cavity unto myself to bait

Quiets of the eyes he leaps

These sports of rape

Let me go asleep

No longer keys,

He keeps

Please.

---------------------------

Jenni 2009

Submitting to...Twitter

*Tweet!* -SPANK- *Ow...tweet*

Thanks to waking up at 3AM and killing time until the sun comes up, I have finally submitted to Twitter...Hope all you spankos are happy! Especially Dave from the CherryRedReport ;-)

My Twitter info:

Name: SpankJenniMack
http://twitter.com/SpankJenniMack

Want to know when I am about to get or (very occasionally give) a spanking? Want to hear live updates as I travel to spanking and kinky events? Then come 'tweet' with me on Twitter about spanking, discipline, and kink!

(Come on, you know you want to)

Actively Seeking Donations to Attend Shadowlane 2009!

"Imagine yourself in her place!"

Shadowlane is here again and I would love to attend the Labor Day party on September 4-7th and see everyone! At this time I cannot commit to the trip financially. If anyone would like to help me get to Vegas via trip sponsorship, please let me know as soon as possible. In order to be able to attend I need to ‘work’ during my stay to cover trip expenses. I would love to film with any of the many wonderful spanking companies that will be in attendance.

As well, I am seeking possible trip sponsorship for that weekend in order to cover one or two nights at the hotel (I would be splitting a room) and the SL ticket cost into the event itself. If you are interested in sponsoring all or a portion of my trip please contact me off list at my e-mail address bttrfy777@yahoo.com.

In exchange for trip sponsorship I am willing to negotiate a private play session or two where I would take you over my knee and give your bottom a nice warming. Men and women of any age and orientation are welcome! I am not very public about my Top side and this is a new venue I have been exploring. I have a little experience Topping. If you would like to see me at this years Shadowlane party and possibly take a trip across my lap please contact me about trip sponsoring! Any amount is much appreciated!

Please *note* I am willing to Top only, not to bottom in a private session.

I am accepting donations/trip sponsorship via PO Box or through PayPal on my blog.

If I am unable to take a few sessions or have my trip sponsored I will not be able to attend.

Spanks a lot!

Jenni Mack

My Birthday Spanking & Events

My birthday celebration was a blast and one that was very special for me for many reasons; mainly, that I got to share it with my family and friends! I turned 24 on Monday June 15th, so that meant that I got 24 hard spanks and one BIG one to grow on. Here’s a re-cap of the events:

The Day Before My Birthday--Surprise, Surprise!

In our house Sundays are our family day, a day of rest where we all sleep late, and mosey around in PJs. They are, by far, my favorite day of the week. Ma’am and I woke up and took our time over the paper and drinking coffee. Come early afternoon She decided we needed to go to the store and get items for dinner and a cake for me! Once at the store, Ma’am and I found a pink, white, and green cake with a rose on it (all my favorite colors) and Ma’am had it inscribed with my name. I have never had a cake like this that I can remember, so this was very special.

When we got home Ma’am instructed me to go ahead of Her into the house and that She would get the rest of the groceries if I carried in my cake. I opened the door and was greeted by a bunch of our friends yelling “Surprise!” I was absolutely floored, like nails in my feet floored. I remember turning to Ma’am and asking, “for real?” And She came up and hugged me, assuring me it was very real and for me…

A whole wide range of emotions bubbled up through me. I was smiling, laughing, and trying not to cry all at the same time as I went around and hugged everyone. Birthdays have always been a little hard for me. To have someone go to all that trouble and to put something like that together for me left me speechless and humbled…

While I gained control back over my own water-works Ma’am and Don began preparing a BBQ dinner. I opened presents that were all wonderfully wrapped in pink and green, and I slipped right into my ‘little’ mode with my friends D and B as I drooled over my new art supplies and pink Legos (yeah, I didn’t know they made them that color either). We went swimming and played with B’s water guns out in the back yard. Then we were called into enjoy a feast of BBQ ala Don! It was great!

After dinner I got to playfully paddle my friend D with one of Ma’am’s new paddles I nick-named ‘Barracuda’. He took my pre-B-day WHACKS for me. Thanks D! ;-)

Thank you to Miss W and D, Miss C and B, and to Don and Ma’am for such a perfect surprise! I had no clue and this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. Thank you all so much for celebrating with me!

---------------------------

My ‘Littles’ Day (My Actual Birthday)

Last week I had requested Ma’am if I could spend my actual birthday, all day from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep, in my ‘little’ headspace. She agreed and allowed me this much needed gift. I have not had a time yet where I can be completely and utterly in my ‘little’ head-space, so this was an amazing experience for me.

The day before I went over a mental list of things I would not be able to do as a little, such as drink coffee/wine, take a shower, answer adult e-mail/websites, handle sharp things, etc. When I woke up that morning I was charged with ‘little’ energy and I bounded out of bed and ran for Ma’am’s bedroom door, but stopped just short of it…I was going to run in and jump on the bed and wake Her up, but then I saw our kitty asleep on the Ma’am’s new Victorian fainting couch. I crept up and tied one of my gift ribbons around the kitty’s neck so he could wear a bow all day. He’s a great sport for such an old cat! I found my Legos and proceeded to make a huge mess upstairs by dumping them all out and setting to work on a Lego town (I am still finding pieces all over the house). I was all wrapped up in my play when Ma’am came out and we went downstairs for breakfast. I had some juice and colored the Comics section of the paper.

The rest of the morning I played with my new art supplies and at one point I needed scissors and white paper. Ma’am was on the phone and I ran upstairs (littles run everywhere) and asked for what I needed and I started to run back down stairs and hear Ma’am call after me, “Don’t run with the scissors!” I froze mid-step and walked the rest of the way. I was so into my headspace that I did something silly. Now, I understand why it’s always a good idea to have a Guardian figure around while deep into this type of play. Later that day Ma’am gave me a list of choices for lunch and I picked my all time favorite (Sushi!). I wore head to toe pink; skirt, tank, and cute pink and white polka-dot ballet flats.

Later that night Ma’am and I went to our local play space where She was on a panel discussion board answering questions about ‘The Training of Submissives’. During the break, I put a bunch of stickers on people who wanted one. During the talk I sat on a big pillow at Ma’am’s feet and colored the whole time. Afterward, Ma’am requested a spanking bench be brought up on stage and She took down my skirt, put me over Her knee, and pulled down my panties and gave me my birthday spanking while 30 some people sang a joyous round of Happy Birthday! I was giggling and red faced by the time it was all done!

Once we got home I changed into PJs and Ma’am made me some dinner. Then I curled up on the couch on Her lap and dozed. Bed-time had come and I was exhausted! Being little all day took a lot of energy. I slept like a rock.

The next day, I was still buzzing and floating. Having all the freedom of being a ‘kid’ the day before and no adult worries was great! I am much more relaxed and not nearly as wired as I normally am. Having a ‘littles day’ now and then in the future is going to be a must for me! I need to let her out to play and just be in a space where she’s loved and safe. Thank You so very much Ma’am for that experience!

:-) Thank you readers for all of your well wishes on my b-day! Glad to share it with you!

Birthday!

Yeppers, another year under the belt for me today! Lots to blog about tomorrow, but for now a nice easy family day at home complete with spanking! Let you all know how it went tomorrow! :-)

Pervert-ables: Being On The Business End of a Shoe Horn

First off, this is my 100th posting! WOOHOO!

Now, on to the topic...

Ma’am is known for Her collection of pervertable toys (ordinary vanilla objects that can be ‘perverted’ into a spanking toy). To date, She has over 20 brushes whose bristles never see hair. She also just swapped a bunch of old brushes and things for new toys at a ‘toy swap’ a while back. In trying to narrow down Her collection, She made room for even more toys.

We like to toy shop for pervertables at places like antique shops, Asian markets, and kitchen isles in various stores. In a recent shopping trip to a new local Asian Market, Ma’am acquired, much to my dislike, a new wooden show horn, a plastic shoe horn, and a nasty thick black oval shoe brush that’s almost an inch thick…. That’s enough Top ammo to keep any well practiced brat in hand. I was very well behaved the rest of the day…well, most of it.

Of course, like any kid who gets a new toy, Ma’am just had to try them out on me (insert sympathy vote here) at a play party last Friday night. She instructed me to write about what the new plastic shoe horn felt like afterwards. She has three shoe horns total. One has a carved wood handle with a small plastic head. One is made of a medium-dark dense wood and is about 24 inches long. The plastic one is red and about 18 to 20 inches long with about a 2 and 1/2 inch business head. It looks very much like the one below, but a different color.

I normally hate plastic toys as they can be very stingy and all surface in feeling. I was very surprised that I kind of liked this plastic show horn. I was on the cusp of like/hate in the very beginning when Ma’am first started using it after She used water to wet my bottom after a thoroughly good warm up with a riding crop. After the water dried up and I stopped squirming and yelling so much, I was able to appreciate the nice sting/burn of this toy. It felt like someone was lighting a match on my bottom, complete with the whole drag/scraping sensation. After a hard stroke during play, Ma’am tends to let the toy settle on the skin for a long moment before removing it by pushing down on it firmly and sliding it back and forth on the fresh swat for a bit. This helps me process the stroke and get the most sensation from the toy. This shoe horn has a very nice sting/burn quality to it. It stings at first like a hairbrush and then spreads to the surrounding areas with a deep burning sensation; kind of like the way a cane stoke ripples through the whole body, peaks and dies off. On a scale of one to ten, I give it a 6.5 on my like scale with ten being awesome.

I still have some nice oval marks below my sit spot that can be seen when I wear shorts. She very much enjoyed spanking my thighs with Her new toys and my pleading and squirming that went with it! :-) I can almost hear Her big grin with each well placed stroke…

Thanks Ma’am!

Want to See Me Get My Bottom Spanked?

Would you like to see me get my bottom spanked in a classic OTK 1950's style Domestic Discipline scene?

Then please visit Clare Fonda's site on Monday May 25th when Ma'am and I premiere on her site! If you are not a member of Clare's site and would still like to view our video, please click on the pink picture link to Spanked Sweeties on the left hand side of my blog to purchase a membership. Want more than one site? Clink on the picture of Clare and gain access to three of her sites for a low price!

I have been looking forward to this video for a long time! Please let me know what you all think!

:-)

Name That Bottom...Can You Find Me?

I was enjoying my coffee this morning and checking up on my favorite spanking blogs only to find on American Spanking Society that I am apart of a 'Name That Bottom Quiz #6'! I laughed my butt off! How cute and fun of Todd and Suzy to put this together! Thanks you two for including me!

Readers head on over to American Spanking Society http://americanspankingsociety.com/ and see if you can find my rosy red bottom and that of the other lovely ladies featured....

Did you find it?

:-)

My Spanking in Front of 150 Vanilla People…

So, readers, have you ever been spanked in front of a Vanilla before? If so, when, where, and why? How did it make you feel?

I had my first experience of this in front of about 150 vanilla folks all crowded into one room watching as I got a classic OTK bare bottom spanking with my panties tangled around my knees until I was kicking and screaming like a little girl… and I loved every minute of it!

:-)

Last night at APEX, our local play space, we opened our community doors to about a hundred and fifty vanilla Psychologists, Therapists, and Researchers interested in human sexuality that came to watch demos on spanking, fire play, electric play, flogging, and suspension. This was a closed event for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) Conference that was held in Phoenix this last week. http://www.aasect.org/default.asp

It is so uplifting that these open minded people want to better understand the spanking and kink communities and why we do what we do. Ma’am and I represented the spanking community by doing a classic school girl/Teacher role-play complete with lots of scolding, OTK, ruler, strap, hairbrush, and plenty of bratting from me. Here’s a re-cap of the event:

We arrived early to the event to say hello to friends and to set up our demo space. A leather padded spanking bench had been provided for us to use. It was placed up front and center to some of the other demo spots and in view of most of the crowd that was in the process of arriving. Ma’am and I, along with all the other demo people, wore name tags and a short list of topics we were comfortable answering questions on. My topics included—Spanking and Discipline, Uniforms, Role-plays, Bratting, Littles/Age play, and Video Actress. This was so that the event attendees could interview us after the demo with any questions they had.

As we set up and talked about our role-play with each other, the therapists and research people had started to arrive. One Woman grabbed a seat right in front of our spot and listened as Ma’am and I discussed what we were going to do. The woman remarked that she liked to see that we were negotiating and stating our needs to each other. I blinked hard at that one. It’s what we do every day and it’s not something I have to think about.

After we set up we went to the back of the room and waited as everyone got seated and the introduction speeches began. There were short talks about what our community represented, how big of a deal it was that we opened the doors to our world for these people to see, that we were all consenting adults doing what we love/need/want to do etc. The lights dimmed then, and the five or so demos took place simultaneously.

Ma’am decided to do a school role-play. She was dressed in a classic School-Marm navy pleated jumper dress, white blouse, hair up, and ruler in hand. I wore my real Catholic red plaid jumper, white blouse, mary-janes, braids, and gum chewing pouty face. Right from the start of the role-play Ma’am began a strict scolding, telling me off for sassing Her in class, being willful, and an overall brat. I responded by twirling my hair and blowing a bubble with my gum. She took my chin in hand and made me spit it out. She then stuck the piece of gum to my nose and made me stand up. She took me OTK and proceeded to spank me over my dress asking me;

“What happens to naughty little girls when they misbehave in class?”

I grunted from a partially hard smack…"They get spanked.”

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you. Louder for the class to hear!”

“They get a SPANKING Ma’am!” I sassed and reached back to cover myself as She pulled up my dress and down my white cotton panties. I kicked and fought and She leg locked me with one of Hers and pulled out Her new vintage 1950’s Bakelite oval hairbrush and proceeded to remedy my sassiness. After a minute of sound hairbrushing She made me stand up and bend over the bench for 12 of the best with a thick cane.

“…That goes without saying that you are to count and thank me for each stroke Miss Mack. Is that understood?”

I mumbled a “Yes Ma’am” and received a medium force tap on my bottom.

Here’s the funny part…I didn’t count and respond right away because, in a usual caning, Ma’am taps me like that many times before a real hard stroke. It took me a minute to realize that She was going lighter because of the Vanilla crowd. I realized this and quickly responded with a “One! Thank You Ma’am!” While trying not to laugh. The caning proceeded and we reached number seven and She began to ask me questions to distract me from the counting. Well, I lost count and heard the dreaded…

“Well, that means we get to start all over again…from the beginning!”

By now I was very much into the headspace of a naughty school brat accepting her discipline. The caning continued until 12 and I was ordered to stand up. I was asked, “So, did we learn a little lesson?”

I thought for a moment, scanning the crowd of dropped mouth faces and decided that I really hadn’t…yet! I responded by sticking out my tongue….

The crowd gasped and made the classic ‘ooooooooo!’ sound. Ma’am grabbed the 18 inch ruler and forced me back over the bench. She kept me there by draping one of Her long legs over my lower back to hold me down and spanked the day lights out of me! I was kicking, screaming, squirming, and thoroughly chastised by the time She was done with me. She removed Her leg and ordered me to stand up. My face was beet red and tear streaked. She told me to turn all the way around 360 degrees (so the audience could see) before telling me to pull up my panties and fix my dress.

“Now…have we learned our lesson Jenni?” She asked me, tapping the ruler against Her palm.

“Yes Ma’am…” came my very humbled reply.

The 20 minute role-play ended there and Ma’am sat and took me on Her lap to sit (owwie!), to be rocked and held as I came down. We hugged and I kissed Her cheek as we watched everyone else wound down from their role-plays. The lights came back on and the AASECT Members were invited to have refreshments and ask any questions they had. As Ma’am and I cooled down and drank water, right away, people came up asking lots of questions. I got questions and comments like:

“Are you okay? Your actually sitting?”
“How does that feel? How long will the marks last? Can I see again?”
“Why do you like this? What do you get out of it?”
“Are you anything else besides a school girl in role-plays?”
“How’d you get started in this? How’d you all meet?”
“That was exactly what I needed to see…Thank you!”
“That was hot and really turned me on. I was not expecting that!”

“Intense, shocking, and touching…where can I find out more about this ‘spanking’ thing?

People came by twos and threes asking things for about an hour. It was great to have all these people so interested in understanding why we do what we do and why we like it so much! They were genuinely engrossed and curious to learn about us. It was very validating for us. Ma’am and I are still buzzing from the event. We have never done anything like this in front of people who are not spanking or kink related. The energy was electric and charged by the mixing of spankos, kinkies, and vanilla all in the same room!

And, it was just downright HOT!

Thank you to AASECT for coming to our space and being open minded to what it is that we do! Thank you APEX for opening your doors and being so trusting to the Vanilla world to allow them a peek into TTWD. Thanks to the other volunteers to made this event possible! Thank You Ma’am for a wonderfully fun scene!

So, readers, back to my question… have you ever been spanked in front of a Vanilla before? If so, when, where, and why? How did it make you feel?

Unexplainable Need (A Poem)

Unexplainable Need

----------------------------------

A perversity of haunts has risen;
An inferno that’s to taxing to contain.
Hopelessly lucid and flat, a moment,
I own, You may find use to know of.
Presumable of this girl, let me explain….
There’s a routine of frigid storms, phallic of me
An impenetrable mask of conviction painted
The full blush of a blue cheek. I question
My short comings. This growth is
Yellowing and bothersome. Tomorrows
A constant ache of mind to figure. Forced,
Seamless state of a pressed goal my pen
Pursues. My straightforward pleasure to
Your congress of heart causes my first
View of light and my final eclipse as
The sun sleeps. A comfort to me in desiring
Your desire; sweet gifts existing of an
Understanding too big for language. It’s savage
To mouth like words. No one subsists. In
A numbered way, my mouth’s a prison.
We don’t waste words on—I abuse ink
Instead. Such a limited vassal that
Presented herself to You. Every budding
Crevasse tainted and un-whole. In my
Weakness, I ask, “Why want me?”
There’s a yearning; little devils pushing
Of feelings to do more than ready for.
The woman and child scuffle inside me. Their
Tears smolder and run as wax from a daring
Flame too clear. So unsettled, they wait. I’m sorry
For the lost voice and deficient perfection,
Weary to of not being ready, of being a woman—
Child stuck in between. Biting the pulse
Through apologies is not enough. My
Clumsy mend of verse, here, causes
Me to beg a thing, a bequest; please,
Break me. Down. Hard. Through the
Middle of what I have come to think I am,
To the core of who You know me to be.

If it pleases You…my breath is

White with need. Only if.

-------------------------------------

Jenni 2009

New Spanking Group & Summers Here!

Finally! Finals are finally over! I have one more class on Tuesday early afternoon, then summers really here! Woo-hoo!

Spanking update:

Ma'am has started a group called the Sun Valley Spanko's open to anyone who lives in AZ state and has a love of spanking. This is a non-BDSM group and all spanking. A lot of people have already joined and the group is growing quick! I can't wait to attend a gathering and meet the new members, and visit with friends!

I woke up early this morning with the mind set to get some chores done, exercise, and do some writing. I have finished all three and by 11 AM I was wiped, just done. This last week has been physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Testing takes a lot out of me and I ended my internship yesterday and saying goodbye was hard. When Ma'am is away on a trip I always try to stay as busy as possible and that makes the time fly by faster. She is on a plane right now heading home and I can't wait to see Her!

Tomorrow, I am planing on doing absolutely nothing besides politely brat Ma'am to take a walk with me and pamper Her a bit. Most of the week She has been off spanking naughty individuals in MD. Tomorrow is our day off and it seems like the perfect opportunity to have a do nothing day. Especially with the end of the semester, chores done, and Her return home. Even service-submissives need a day to do nothing now and again. That's something that's hard to admit from my end, but I am just plain tired right now. A massage for Ma'am, maybe some cookie baking, and coloring are about all I have on the agenda...maybe a little racing game on the PS2...Tomorrow will be a perfect Sunday!

Hope you all enjoy yours as well!

We Did It...

I have been given permission to make a special announcement about Ma’am and I.
Last night, Ma’am placed a beautiful sliver chain charm necklace on me of Her choosing in an informal collaring—or our version of it anyway! There is talk of a more formal one in the future. She selected it so that we can add charms to it over time that mean something special to us. She has a matching one to add to as well!

Today, I am floating and beyond blessed out…

Here’s a picture of it:
:-D Just wanted to share the joy!

Service Need defined (Part 3) & My Little Side Explored

:::Readers thoughts wanted:::

Are you service oriented? In what manner?

Are you a little or Guardian of a Little? How is that experience for you?

---------------Main Entry-----------------
I have a hard time relaxing. I am very much a nurturer by nature and I take pride in being able to take care of those around me. I can't help it. A big part of it is because I am very service oriented in my vanilla and kink life. Service is a need for me. By that I mean that being able to be of service to Someone I love or care about (i.e. helping them, caring for them, cleaning, etc.) is something I need to be able to perform on a daily basis to stay sane, centered, and happy.

I get an immense amount of joy out of being in service to Ma'am. I do this in many different ways. I enjoy helping to keep our home clean, by tending to the things She owns and cares about, massaging Her, preparing a bath for Her, running errands, opening the door, preparing Her water and coffee just how She likes it and other things like that. Being in a selfless headspace and manner is important to me because this is how I express my love and submission on a behavioral level. This is what I mean by, 'being in service'. I do not play with or serve other Dominants besides Ma'am. I am exclusive with Her.

As for my little side, because I am very service oriented in my nature, I am often drained at the end of the week. Tired, but happy! :-) In order to recharge, I let my little side out now and then to play.

Ma'am and I have figured out that I am about 8 to 10 years old based on how I act, talk, and behave when I am in little space. More so than not, I feel about 8. As a little, I am very impulsive, full of giggles, shy, and I love to color. I am coloring one minute, and digging through the cabinet for cookies the next, and dancing with the cat a minute later. Nothing is planned or premeditated; I exist entirely in the moment. That’s where I find my biggest joy in all of it; being able to be my little self in an environment where I am safe, loved, and valued.

When I am in little space it's very freeing for me because I get to let go, not make decisions, or have any responsibilities, but I am very vulnerable all at the same time. I respond and act as a child would to a situation. I remember once I threw a mini tantrum in the ballroom at Shadowlane because Ma'am said She'd be right back in ten minutes, but was gone for longer.

We were all having so much fun and lost track of time. She lost Her self in conversation and I on the dance floor. When I realized the span of time that had passed I became worried and upset. I was in little space, feeling lonely, impulsive, and wanting to play at the time, so when Ma'am did re-appear I stomped my feet and 'bratted' about Her being gone. She consoled me as anyone would an upset kid. That was an impulsive and real reaction for the 8 year old in me at the time. It's not acting, and it's very genuine when it's happening.

I go in and out of little space in my everyday life. I get bursts of it where I have no other desire but to color or make something with construction paper and glitter. Sometimes after a long day all I want to do is color or draw and shut out the world for a little while. I expressed this need to Ma’am and She has encouraged it, so I do it. It's a very calming activity and helps me center myself. I just got a new box of Crayons I am breaking in now!

There is some fear that resides in me about expressing this and exhibiting this need because it’s such a fragile part of me; that child that needs to come out and be a child in every sense of the word. I was hurt by many people when I was younger, so this is a safe way for me to nuture the part of me that missed out on the everyday joys of being a kid. I love exploring this and I am becoming more comfortable with this side of myself.